Brats, Inc.

Daily Mail writer Tom Utley describes with utter hilarity, his brush with today's bratty youth...

"In a properly ordered world, of course, I would have grabbed him by the collar, forced him to pick up his litter and marched him to the nearest bin. I have four sons of my own, for heaven's sake, and even I - one of the most abject cowards on the planet - haven't the slightest physical fear of an 11-year-old squit.

But as we all know (and none of us better than that kid), the world has gone barking mad. If I'd laid a finger on him, I would probably be dictating this column from a cell in Wandsworth prison.

I toyed with the idea of picking up all the paper he'd dropped, to set him an example of good citizenship. But as he stood there jeering at me, my pride wouldn't let me. I'm not a ruddy saint. So I just threw him what I hoped he would take as a dignified scowl, stubbed out my cigarette on the pavement (a rotten example, I know) and stalked back to the office.

Final score: Obnoxious Little Brat 3; Civilisation 0."